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by Teresa Martin

Got a new craze that showed its pimply face here on the Cape last week. It's called "sexting" and if you believe the overblown hype in the mass media outlets, it represents the latest evil incursion of technology on the innocent minds of the young.

Over in Falmouth a group of middle schoolers at the Lawrence School got their jollies by using cell phones to make and send photos that should never have been made or sent. In this case, a 14-year-old boy was sharing a picture of his 13-year old girlfriend; she is missing some key articles of clothing in the photo. He made the picture with his cell phone, and sent the image on its merry way to a group of his buddies.

First let me say this - WHAT WERE THESE KIDS THINKING???? My child is on alert that is she ever lets anyone take photos like that of her, she's grounded until she graduates college. But, more importantly, she should never disrespect herself or be so needy of someone's approval that she would allow an image like that to be made. And for a boy to show such a lack of respect for a girl is just awful. As a society we have far-too-long held a sort of tacit approval of young boys mocking young girls and letting them make rude comments and mumble rumors about them.

The cause of sexting, of course, isn't cell phones or any other form of technology. And the kids know it full well.

"What, the cell phone did this on its own?" laughed one fifth grader as both fifth graders then rolled their eyes at the thought of self-acting cell phones when we talked about the Falmouth incident and appropriate use of technology.

The solution isn't hand-wringing over putting technology in the hands of 13 year olds, although some pundits and posters have decided this national scourge is all the fault of those awful digital bits and the temptations they bring with them.

"Why do teenagers need cell phones anyway? What happened to the good 'ol days when you drove to the loop or town square to visit each other...." whined of ABC News' posters in response to an article about sexting, one of several similar comments from the online luddites.

Yikes. Let's say this again: sexting has nothing at all to do with either cell phones or dreams some mythical good old days that never really existed. Sexting is about kids being stupid. It is about kids not understanding that actions have consequences. It is about kids needing to learn the rule of human interaction.

Do you remember the girl in high school who was shunned because someone put out a rumor that she was, well, you know? Pretty much every school had a victim of this rumor, and whether it was true or a total fabrication made little difference in the outcome. The spoken word was a pretty effective tool for causing a lot of pain and didn't involve any technology at all.

You see, words are neither harmless nor meaningless. Nor are images. Both have long been tossed around randomly in that messy stew of adolescence. What digital technology and instant communications add to the mix is that the words and images can be longer lasting and move at lightening speed.

Growing up is hard. One of the biggest lessons of middle school is grasping the idea of consequences, both intended and unintended. It's a funny age, where we believe simultaneously that we are the center of universe and that no one sees our actions. We are the focus and the invisible all at once. Oh, and by the way, we're trying to figure out this whole bodies changing/sex thing too. Did I mention that growing up is hard?

The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and the Hearst Digital Media site CosmoGirl.com commissioned a study on sexting last fall. Market research firm Teenage Research Unlimited surveyed 1,280 teens and young adults online and found that 20% of teens and nearly one third of young adults 20-26 say they've sent or posted naked or semi-naked photos or videos of themselves. The reason? To be "fun or flirtatious." The survey also found that 39% of teens and 59% of the 20-26 year olds say they've sent suggestive text messages. But wait, there's more! One third of teen boys and 40% of young men say they've seen nude or semi-nude images sent to someone else.

In that last is the big alert and the biggest change - if you send a photo or a message, it is really easy for someone else to see it. And for a lot of someone elses to see it at the same time. With just one click, bing, off it goes. And because digital data isn't tied to one media, it can move from cell phone to web page to social networking site with ease.

There was once a cautionary saying that warned, "Never do anything you wouldn't want to see on the front page of the newspaper." Heck, now that has to be amended to warn "don't do anything that you don't want seen by everyone on the planet or anything that will live on in cyberspace a few search phrases away until your own kids are in eighth grade themselves."

And there are serious legal overtones to sexting also. In many of these cases, prosecutors are exploring whether the kids should face charges for obscenity or child pornography. As silly as it sounds, there is an overzealous politically charged lawsuit out there just waiting to happen. And you better hope it doesn't happen to your kid.

Sexting - and all of its various non-technology enabled variants - is a very real issue. Teaching kids to respect each other, to understand that actions and words have the power to cause long-term hurts, and that even an invisible 13 year old can create ripples in unexpected and unintended ways is important. And it's hard too.

Especially when we continue to reward bad behavior. After the Falmouth flap, it seems that one of the fathers and one of the boys received invitations from TV tabs Dr. Phil, Inside Edition, and the O'Reilly Factor, as well as People magazine, to fly father and son to perform their talk show debuts.

Sexting pays?

No, it doesn't. Dr. Phil is but a flash in the pan. Learning how to responsibly and effectively use the technology tools of our world will be paying dividends long after he's a cancellation. But most important, learning the life skills of respect and human interaction will define our very being for every day our our life.