Net Neutrality: The Musical!
21 May 2014

by tmartin on May 21, 2014

SO MANY WORDS, SO LITTLE TIME!

That’s what the heated debate over net neutrality feels like, as the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) and its proposals bump heads with Internet proponents, entrepreneurs, and social activists, all mixing it up with Big Telecom and Gargantuan Cable.

But I’m awfully glad we’re talking about it and that enough people care so strongly they raise their voices and join in a debate instead of rolling along passively. Hey, that makes me kinda’ wanna’ break into song! Come, sing along!

    (sung to the tune of Do Ri Me)

    [All:]
        Let’s start at the very beginning
        A very good place to start
        When you read you begin with …

    [Consumer:]
        A-B-C

    [All:]
        When you surf you begin with neutrality
        Neutrality, Neutrality

        The first idea just happens to be
        Net neutrality, net neutrality

    [Tim Wu: singing do-ri-me scale]
        net neu tra la te is good
        [spoken]
        Let’s see if I can make it easy:

        Government regulation in such contexts invariably tries
        to help ensure that the short-term interests of the owner
        do not prevent the best products or applications
        becoming available to end-users.
        The same interest animates the promotion of
        network neutrality:
        preserving a Darwinian competition
        among every conceivable use of the Internet
        so that only the best survive.

    (Journal of Telecommunications and High Technology Law, Vol. 2, p. 141, 2003 – http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=388863##)

    [All:]
        Net, a web, a global web
        Neu, a glowing new idea
        Tra, a sound I sing aloud
        La, a long long way to search
        Te, a way to run the web,
        Is, a note to open up
        Good, a place to innovate
        That will bring us back to Net (oh-oh-oh)

    [Wu:]
        Net-Neu-tra-la-te-is-good-net
        So-do!

    [FCC: spoken]
        Now children, Net neutrality and so on
        are only the tools we use to build a network.
        Once you have these rules in your heads,
        you can sing a million different tunes by mixing them up.
        Like this Notice of Proposed Rulemaking

    (http://www.scribd.com/doc/224401612/FCC-Net-Neutrality-Notice-of-Proposed-Rulemaking)

    [Federal Court Chorus: spoken]
        And don’t forget Section 706
        of the Telecommunications Act
        grants the agency limited authority
        to promote competition
        with net neutrality rules.

    [Verizon: singing do-ri-me scale]
        We can sell an y way we want,
        we won we won we won you done

    [Group: spoken]
        Can you do that?

    [Verizon: singing do-ri-me-scale]
        we can we can we can we can
        [spoken]
        The D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled in our favor last January.

    (http://money.cnn.com/2014/01/14/technology/fcc-net-neutrality/index.html)

    [All:]
        Net neu tra la te is good

    [Speaker John Boehner: spoken]
        Now children, Net neutrality and so on
        Threatens to slow job creation
        And jeopardizes our economic recovery.

    (http://www.speaker.gov/sites/speaker.house.gov/files/5-14-14-Net-Neutrality-Letter.pdf)

    [Comcast and Time Warner duet: singing do-ri-me scale]
        Net neu tra la te is bad

    [AT&T and Direct TV duet: singing do-ri-me scale]
        Let the biggest set the rate

    [Sen. Al Franken: spoken]
        That path could end with an Internet of haves and have-nots,
        with big corporations deciding who falls
         into which camp,
        all based on the amount of money they pay.
         I’m urging the FCC to take a different course —
        one that preserves the Internet
        as an open marketplace
        where everyone can continue to participate
        on equal footing,
        regardless of one’s wealth or power.

    (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/al-franken/tomorrow-could-be-the-beg_b_5324401.html)

    [US Sen. Maria Cantell: do-ri-me scales]
        Two tier ed In ter net is un
        ac cep ta ble no no no no

    (http://www.cantwell.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/2014/5/cantwell-statement-on-fcc-net-neutrality-proposal)

    [All:]
        Net neu tra la te is good net

        Net good is te la tra neu net

    [Consumer: spoken]
        But it doesn’t mean anything.

    [Chairman Wheeler:]
        So we put in words. One word for every note. Like this.
        [singing]
        When you know the notes to sing
        You can sing most anything

    [All: spoken]
        Together!

    [All:]
        When you know the notes to sing
        You can sing most anything

        Net, a web, a global web
        Neu, a glowing new idea
        Tra, a sound I sing aloud
        La, a long long way to search
        Te, a way to run the web,
        Is, a note to open up
        Good, a place to innovate
        That will bring us back to Net (oh-oh-oh)

        Net neu tra la te is good
        Good is te la tra neu net

    [Chairman Wheeler:]
        When you know the notes to sing
        You can sing most anything

    [All:]
        Net, a web, a global web
        Neu, a glowing new idea
        Tra, a sound I sing aloud
        La, a long long way to search
        Te, a way to run the web,
        Is, a note to open up
        Good, a place to innovate
        That will bring us back to ….

    [FCC:]
    [Chorus of Internet Companies:]
    [Chorus of Telecom & Cable & Special Interests:]
    [Chorus of Congress:]
    [Chorus of Citizens:]

        Net . . . So Net
        Ti Net – oh – oh Ti Net — So Net
        Net neu tra la te is Net!

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